Friday, April 9, 2010

PC woes

Press ESC to exit (boy, I’d like that in real life)

SQL error: (followed by something like: Error 6329xB,flr sqn_es49 daq on dr.not)

Your session has “timed out” (like a little child)
Not Responding (like a teenager)
…monitor is going to sleep now (like someone over 50)

Returned undeliverable, intended recipient failed (is this personal, or like a wrong number?) or mailer-Daemon (this Daemon guy never delivers the mail!)

You hit the button to open up an attachment, wait.....and it never opens, but at the left bottom it says “Done“ as in, "done, Dude, not going anywhere."

Do you want to restart your computer now? (I’m right in the MIDDLE of something!)
Do you want to sign up now, or later? (none of the above, please; oh wait, that’s not an option)

You do not have permission to cashier! (Never mind that I did it two minutes ago and will be able to do it again in five minutes.)

We cannot open this file unless we know what program created it (Who is We?)
Some new programs have recently been installed…(by gremlins?)
Do you want to report this error? (I’m not so niave as to think Mr. Gates and his staff of elves are sitting at their computers waiting to help me solve this problem.)

The insults:
Did you forget your password? (Idiot!)
After 3 failed attempts, you will be locked out and have to call headquarters (and admit your sorry little excuse)
You only have 5-4-3-2-1 more logins before you have to change your’ve used that password before. (Now, if passwords were all that private, how would the stupid computer know this?) You must use a minimum of six letters, a symbol, and at least one number. (Left-brained people will not understand this dilemma.)

Do you want to enable cookies? (Cookies??? What kind?)
Refresh Refresh Refresh!
please wait (and my options are?)

Now and then I have computer issues and have to call my son, Vince, who is a PC guru compared to the rest of the family (Jason isn’t bad either.) The conversations go a little like this: (Me)“Hey, Vince, my computer is making a loud ‘fanning’ sound.” He comes over to check it out, digs around and comes up saying, in a calm voice: “Mother, once in a while you need to take off the cover on the hard drive and remove the cat hair.”

(Me)You know the thingy on that thing line at the top of the screen? Well, say, hypothetically, someone accidently clicked on view, then……and something disappeared, how might they get it back?

Why is the picture I saved to screensaver all distorted? Why are there 12 of them?

Does the printer printing out purple mean I’m running out of black, or color ink?

How do I know if my mouse is actually dead and not just pretending?

Years back I read online that since it was March, everyone should clean those windows. They said after you get your house windows clean, you ought to go through your computer and clean out all those unused programs and files. I skipped the house window thing and went straight to “add and delete programs“, deleted some exe files (surely those aren’t important, right?) and had to reinstall my computer from the original discs.

I HATE “Application Terminated“ (this one’s Checkmate!) shut ‘er down and go home.

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